humor Archives

New Years resolutions and other misgivings

calendar2007.jpgWe’re one week into 2007 and I wonder how many people have stuck to their new year’s resolutions. If resolutions are goals then most people have never written them down. New Years resolutions are fads, over time they dissipate and go away. Bally’s and 24 Hour Fitness must make a ton of money during the first couple of months of each year based on people’s resolution to “lose weight.” Lowe’s and Home Depot must make decent coin on people’s resolution to “get organized” or “clean the garage/basement.” Last but not least bookstores must do pretty well because of people’s resolutions to “read self-help books to solve all my woes.”

I’m just as guilty as everyone else. Each year I draft new year’s resolutions in my head. Sometimes I write them down, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I stick to them, sometimes I don’t. For 2007, I came up with several new year’s resolutions, here they are for your viewing pleasure. If I couldn’t uphold my end of the bargain, I’ve written a status of my resolution in [] :

  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Read the Lance Armstrong book that’s been sitting on my nightstand for the past two years
    [BROKEN: A piece of me thinks it's funny that I refuse to read a book that I had to have.]
  • CHORES: Take out the garbage even when I’m not asked [BROKEN: Apparently the garbage should be taken out when it smells even though it's not full.]
  • EXERCISE: Run more often [ONGOING: I have a treadmill in my basement so I have no excuse even when the weather is deplorable.]
  • FOOD: Eat more fish, eat less beef, eat out less [ONGOING: This is going to be really hard especially the eat out less part.]
  • TELEVISION: Unless it’s news, sports, or Family Guy, don’t watch television [BROKEN: I watched Greys Anatomy with my wife last week. For the record, I felt really dirty after watching the show.]
  • MONEY MATTERS: Avoid Walmart unless absolutely necessary [BROKEN: The recent blizzard wrecked havoc on the streets so rather than go to several stores, I just went to Walmart. I could've sucked it up and drove all over the joint after all I do drive a SUV with four wheel drive.
  • MORTGAGE MATTERS: Listen more to my borrowers and market, market, market [ONGOING: I always thought I was a great listener but a friend of mine told me that I am a great listener but I sometimes look disinterested even though I'm actually listening intently. This blog and/or internet is part of my marketing strategy but it shouldn't be the only part.]

Carpe Anno (Seize the Year!)

Good reasons to refinance

Refinances usually fall under two categories, rate/term and cash out:

Rate/Term: You’re reducing the interest rate, the term (length of your mortgage) or both. This was by far the number one reason to refinance.

Cash Out: The next biggest reason to refinance is because people wanted to get cash at closing to pay for something.

There are countless other reasons to refinance. Below are other “good reasons to refinance” provided in the comments section when potential borrowers filled out my loan request form. They don’t quite fit into the rate/term or cash out categories.

Getting divorced, not getting the house. Don’t want to pay for it either.

Need to get out of current loan before rates go up or before I go broke whichever happens first.

I don’t want to pay my mortgage to this crappy company anymore.

My husband doesn’t think we need to refinance, can you call him and convince him that we need to.

Top Five Fridays – Saturday Night Live

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“Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” Here are my top five Not Ready For Prime Time Players.

  1. Eddie Murphy: My indocrination into SNL was Eddie Murphy playing Buckwheat from Little Rascals Fame. His rendition of Buckwheat singing “Unce, tice, fee times a mady!” is pure genius.
  2. Will Ferrell: Just like Eddie Murphy, you could tell that Wil Ferrel was a superstar in the making. His impersonation of Jeopardy host, Alex Trebeck, is priceless.
  3. Norm Macdonald: Trademark sarcasm was perfect for anchoring Weekend Update.
  4. Chris Farley: During my college years, Chris Farley stood out in a group that included Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Mike Myers, David Spade, Rob Schneider, etc.
  5. Rob Schneider: For obvious reasons i.e. the guy is part Filipino.

Top Five Fridays – Halloween Candy

Halloween is just around the corner. As a kid, Halloween was always about dressing up and going trick or treating with my friends. As an adult, Halloween was about going to parties dressed up in an original costume. I once dressed up as Mike Piazza who at the time was a catcher for the NY Mets.

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Today, Halloween for me is more about buying and handing out candy for the neighborhood kids. As October nears, stores widen their candy ailse and stockpile candy throughout the store. When did candy become the unofficial symbol of Halloween? Here are my top five halloween treats:

  1. Snickers: Hungry? Grab a Snickers!
  2. Kit Kat: It’s the number one selling candy bar in the U.K.
  3. Twix: This treat contains three of the major food groups: crispy crunchy cookie, smooth creamy chocolate, and caramel.
  4. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups: A serving of resses peanut butter cups contains both protein and fiber.
  5. M&M (peanut): because inside everyone there’s a little nut.

FEELING BLUE!

In case you live in a vacuum, Denver resident Josh Blue won The Last Comic Standing last night. Josh suffers from cerebal palsy and often jokes about his illness. I thought Chris Porter was the best comedian this season on Last Comic Standing but Josh was more memorable. Check out his shtick from the show on youtube.

Check out the articles on Josh Blue in the Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News

You’ve got Bert

If the terror alert is Bert, you’re in the clear:

Terror Alert Level

Check it out here: http://www.geekandproud.net/terror/

Oh Yeah! Youtube rules!

FAVORITE VIDEO SITES

The top 10 online video sites, according to Hitwise, a technology research firm that ranks sites weekly:

  1. YouTube: youtube.com
  2. MySpace Videos: vids.myspace.com
  3. Yahoo! Video Search: video. yahoo.com
  4. MSN Video Search: video. msn.com
  5. Google Video Search: video.google.com
  6. AOL Video: video.aol.com
  7. iFilm: ifilm.com
  8. MetaCafe: metacafe.com
  9. Grouper: grouper.com
  10. GoFish: gofish.com

Top Five Fridays – Rock Groups

A few months ago I blogged about the top five rap groups. Today I’ll mention my top five rock groups.

  1. U2: I grew up on U2 and as I get older, I still enjoy listening to all their albums. I still can’t decide which album is better: The Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby. I’ve seen them live several times and plan to see them even more as I get older.
  2. LIVE: The came on the scene back when I was in college and kicked it into high gear with their second album, Throwing Copper. One of the best bands to see live.
  3. THE DOORS: Fronted by Jim Morrision, they were a band ahead of their time. Everyone should have The Doors Greatest Hits in their collection, it’s mandatory.
  4. THE POLICE: Fronted by Sting, they were a band ahead of their time. They disbanded when they were at the top leaving their fans stunned and wanting more.
  5. NIRVANA: Fronted by Kurt Cobain, they were a band ahead of their time. Everyone wore flannel shirts in the 90′s. I know I did. When Kurt died in 1994, I remember where I was and what I was doing. Do you?

Top Five Fridays – Cartoons

Cartoons were a staple of my Saturday morning diet when I was a youngster. I recall getting up early to catch a couple of hours of cartoon. These days the only time I get up early on Saturday morning is to play golf. These are my favorite cartoons of yesterday and today.

  1. The Family Guy – I’m addicted to Peter, Stewie and Brian Griffin. By far the best thing on television these days.
  2. The Simpsons – They changed cartoons forever. Probably the best cartoon ever if not the best animated show ever.
  3. South Park – takes place in Colorado, need I say more.
  4. Superfriends - “Wonder Twins power activate”
  5. Spiderman and Friends – the final Saturday cartoon before the television went off.

Top Five Fridays – Denver Brew Pubs/Bars

In a few hours smoking will be banned in most Denver establishments of ill repute such as bars and brew pubs. So for this top five list, i’m going to throw out my favorite brew pubs and bars in Denver.

    1. Rockbottom - 16th and Champa, I used to work 11 floors above it so i’m a little biased
    2. Bull and Bush – Glendale, it’s right of Cherry Creek South and between Holly and Cherry
    3. Cherry Cricket – despite being in heart of trendy Cherry Creek, the Cricket has the feel of a college hangout
    4. Fado’s – across from Coors field in LoDo, a good old fashioned Irish pub
    5. Old Chicago – they’re a chain but they serve Genny Cream Ale. If you don’t know what Genny Cream Ale is, go to Old Chicago and find out.
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